10 True NFL Truths That Are True…….Today

10) The Oakland Raiders are a pretty good football team.

I had to state this during their bye week to ensure there was little possibility of them ruining my credibility. Since they play Pittsburgh next, I reserve all right to edit, rephrase, and delete all known history of this comment.

9) The potential of the Dallas Cowboys finally manifested itself……….2.5 months too late.

There was really nothing unique or different that Jason Garrett did. I get the feeling that watching Wade Phillips’ ice cream truck pull away from Valley Ranch was enough to let the players know that sh*t just got real. Garrett reinforced this by tightening up punctuality and dress code, but in truth, that’s middle school stuff. If that’s all it took then Wade should’ve never made it past week 1…….of OTA’s.

(bye-bye Wade!)



8) Tom Brady needs to cut his hair.

He reminds me of the WWF in the 90’s. In fact he looks like Hacksaw Jim Duggan but with a better razor.

(Brady’s Fusion ProGlide is all that separates them)

7) Laron Landry will flex.

No matter how big of a play he just gave up, if he makes a shoestring tackle you’re guaranteed to see him transform into Hulk Hogan. (btw: that was old wrestling reference #2, I’m fining myself $75,000)

Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. No doubt he’s talented but he looks absolutely foolish by staring a guy down and flexing after he was just burned for a huge play. I’m certain it’s gotten to the point were he goes into a 10 minute Mr. Universe exhibition after sneezing because he’s proud of the way his nostrils kicked those particles asses.




6) You may beat the Browns and the Bills but you’ll get your ass kicked for it.

I hate when people say ‘this is the best 1-8 or 3-6 team you’ll ever see’, but, those are the best 1-8 and 3-6 teams I’ve ever seen.

Bills: Lost by 5 to Miami, sacked Henne 3 times, held him to 182yds passing (2nd lowest total of the season), put 30 on New England while holding Moss to 2 catches, went into OT with the Ravens and Chiefs, lost by 3 to Chicago while holding Cutler to his lowest full game total all season (188yds).

Browns: Lost by 3 to Tampa Bay, 2 to Kansas City, held Matt Ryan to 187yds passing (lowest all year), beat the Saints while intercepting Drew Brees 4 times, beat the Patriots while rushing for 230 yards, and went to OT with the Jets.

In the end what does this all mean? Nothing, I’m just saying.

But thanks for your time.

5) Brett Favre should’ve never came back.

Hindsight is 20/20 but I’m not speaking from hindsight, I saw this coming. Honestly, so did Brett. That’s why he stayed holed up in Hattiesburg, Mississippi and it took a cavalry to drag him up the river to Minnesota. Brett Favre loves attention so Brett Favre couldn’t tell Brett Favre this was a bad idea for Brett Favre. I could’ve. His body is broken, this time irreparably. You don’t drive a ’92 Honda like a new BMW. It also doesn’t help that Chilly is behind the wheel with a suspended license. The previous year was an aberration and he knew it. He’s never played that well his entire career and it still wasn’t good enough. So with a broken body, another 10k miles, and a depleted WR core it was supposed to get……better?

4) Big Ben is shrinking.

Not because he lost to the Patriots but because his team is 3-2 with him as the starter. Because the only teams they’ve beaten are the Browns (Colt McCoy’s first NFL start), Dolphins (by 1), and the Bengals (who hasn’t). Clearly they’re still an elite team, that defense is unreal, but I suspect the legend of Big Ben will be on an episode of Mythbusters in the near future.

(unequivocably, indiscriminately, and constitutionally busted)



3) Free Mark Sanchez!

I’m not one of those sportswriters that’s already picking out their suits for his arrival in Canton, but I do see a trend. When they let the kid play, he plays well. When they micromanage him he gets tense and makes mistakes. He’s a young QB but he’s growing and they’re going to have to grow with him. Let go of the bike seat and watch him bust his ass, it’s the only way.

2) Andy Reid is a mad scientist.

For all of the ridiculous, unexplainable, arrogant, and short-sighted moves he seemed to make he’s now looking like a genius. This is all thanks to Michael Vick of course. I doubt very seriously his original plan which involved Kevin Kolb would have yielded such results. But, he’s the coach and if blame falls on his shoulders so must credit. He has these Franken-Eagles looking awfully hard to beat.

That is, until Michael Vick tries to channel his inner Jerome Bettis and gets hurt again. If they’re planning on signing him long-term they might want to incorporate some slide-based incentives. $1mil/per. And give me 20% for the idea. Yeah yeah, do that.

1) Michael Vick is the NFL MVP so far.

I know it’s easy to overreact, but I promise you this is not what this is. Nobody changes their team more than Vick. Without him, they’re beatable in a number of ways. With him, you can hear the collective knee trembling of all other 31 teams. Vick has always been a dangerous athlete but most took solace in knowing his work ethic and desire to learn the position were almost non-existent. The fear was him putting it all together. Now that he finally is? Fear realized.

Of course the way this season is going none of this will be true in 6 days but thanks for playing.


2 thoughts on “10 True NFL Truths That Are True…….Today

    • That defense hides a lot of Big Ben mistakes, as long as he has them he’ll be considered a top QB.

      I’ll apologize in advance, any team I proclaim to be better than advertised does something pathetic the next week. (see: Chiefs, Cowboys)

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