10 Reasons Why I Hate Roger Goodell

I know, ‘hate’ is a strong word. I’m using it mainly for satire and clicks. However, this man has enraged myself and many other NFL fans with some really, really dumb policies and decisions. His view of the NFL is one that grows more frightening by the season. I’ve loved this game since I was born and it feels like I’m watching it go all Amanda Bynes on me.

So, embrace the hate because nothing brings us together like mutual disgust and condemnation:

1) He’s a Corrections Officer trapped in a Financial Advisors body.Image

A commissioner is supposed to act as the balance between the players and the owners. Goodell has consistently shown he views the players as inferior. These are grown men who sacrifice their health and bodies to play the most physically demanding sport on the planet. They’ve earned respect, not shackles.

2) Hypocrisy is so not cool.

He’s penalized players under the guise of ‘player safety’ while bargaining with owners to add more games to the schedule. If there’s one thing that makes me angrier than the way The Soprano’s ended, it’s hypocrisy. The game is physical. No amount of penalty flags will change that. Saying the safety of the players is your number 1 priority while $cheming with owner$ to add game$ to the $chedule is downright fork-tongued.

He merely wants them juuuuust safe enough to fill his pockets; and really, that just sucks.

3) His name is Roger.

Nobody named Roger who wasn’t a snarky 90’s movie cartoon rabbit has ever done anything good. These are facts.

Come to think of it, if the rabbit were commissioner at least one celebration would be allowed. And it’d be amazing.

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4) He hates fun.

Sports are microcosms of life’s ups and downs. Sports are diversions. Sports are releases. Sports are meant to be entertainment. Entertainment is supposed to be fun. Outlawing player celebrations is pointless and petty.

All of Goodell’s rules about celebrations are meant for players not to draw attention to themselves. Keep the employees irrelevant. It’s just another way to undermine his workforce. Football can’t have the same etiquette as office 9 – 5’s. That’s not why we watch. We want to see emotion.

If it’s about speeding up the game – fix the replay process, relax with the commercials, don’t hire senior citizens as referees.

5) Ever hear him talk?

He’s the owner’s Teddy Ruxpin. A talking HR manual. He’s a master politician. He’s a puppet.

His job is Football, the sport, and seeing to its preservation – which has far less to do with bottom lines and profit margins. Greed is a cancer. Right now the NFL is Season 1 Walt White.

6)

An NFL team based in London is the dumbest idea since voting this man commissioner. This will never be a global game like soccer. Accept it. It’s ours. It’s a weird franken-sport that we love because it’s ours. And, it needs to stay here. As it stands, most teams suffer some type of letdown when they have to travel between the coasts of our own country. Throw crossing an ocean in the mix and you have a diluted product.

7) Riley Cooper’s 3-Day Weekend Getaway/N-Word Rehab.

Riley Cooper drops a very aggressive N-bomb and Goodell twiddles his thumbs. If he hand’t noticed, 90% of the NFL’s workforce is African American. But, in my opinion, this has more to do with the guys Roger Goodell shakes hands with in boardrooms who aren’t.

The bigger issue his silence created is in everyone knowing Riley Cooper was essentially never punished. Goodell has fined and suspended more players than all previous NFL commissioner’s combined. When injustice happens, people seek justice. Outside of a football field this is done with protests and rallies. On the field, well, we’ll see. I’m not rooting for any physical retribution, but Roger Goodell’s ignorance created this situation. Bet he’ll stop twiddling those thumbs if/when it happens.

8) He’s an intern.

It’s an amazing American story until you have a look at how many copy machines interns destroy each year. Imagine those same people signing your paychecks. Yeah, nope.

Seriously, he knows he’s underqualified. He had to attach strings to his limbs and hand them to the owners before they’d vote to approve him as new Commissioner. He never had their respect. He feels the only way to earn it is to be harsh on the players so the owners can shirk responsibility.

9) He’s a spreadsheet perfectionist.

Goodell has made the easiest job in the world difficult just so it can appear as if he’s done something. It’s like giving Halle Berry a Jenny Jones makeover.

The NFL is huge. It makes money. There is no leak. There are no holes to plug. The cash flow is never-ending. Keep ‘er steady and the treasure is right in front of your face. Instead, Ahab here decides to go on obsessive manhunts. As I recall, this story doesn’t end well.

10) His middle name is ‘S’. Roger S. Goodell. A letter. One letter. The most common letter at that. No wonder he’s frightened of originality.

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