5 Things The Cowboys Can Do To Stop Sucking

Tony Romo, Jerry Jones, Wade Phillips

The Dallas Cowboys suck. They’re 5-5 and that’s with 3 wins against a historically bad NFC East. They have the 32nd ranked pass defense. They give up a league worst 4.9yds per rush. They have the 28th ranked rushing offense. And Romo throws the ball 37 times per game yet it’s only good for 250.8yds per game. Yeah, they suck.

But I’m a purveyor of hope. I believe this team can be mended enough to be dangerous this season. And if Dr. Phil can turn around an abusive alcoholic from Tennessee in a one-hour show then I can do this.


5 Things The Cowboys Can Do To Stop Sucking

1)   Get Dez Bryant The Ball

Every defensive coordinator is paid to take away the opposition’s best weapon, yet the Cowboys see rolled double coverage and cower like a Kardashian without attention. Football is matchups. Punch, counter-punch. Formations create mismatches. Bunch the receivers, move Dez to the slot, put him in motion, run pic routes…just get the man the damn ball. Please.

(the fact I had to state this already makes me feel I’m in over my head. nevertheless, I plow forth.)

2)   Stop With The TE Screen

I love Jason Witten. He’s 1b to Tony Gonzalez. He does everything. His skillset is tremendous. But the one thing he can not do is evade tacklers and run after the catch. Therefore, it isn’t wise to run a play for him where the main element to success is an ability to evade tacklers and run after the catch.

(God this is painful.)

3)   No More Tampa 2

Is changing defensive schemes after 10 games a good idea? Of course not. But when you’re ranked dead last in total defense does it really even matter? The Tampa 2 requires exceptional personnel. That kind of personnel isn’t currently on the Cowboys roster. Injuries have nothing to do with the fact that the personnel just doesn’t fit the scheme. It’s like helping Oprah fit into a corset; you can’t help but notice all of the holes.

At every level the Cowboys lack what’s needed to run this scheme. The Tampa 2 requires zone specialists with aggressive instincts and hard-hitting, rangy safeties. But Dallas has an expensive secondary paid for their ability to play man coverage and safeties who tackle like Howie Mandel without hand sanitizer.

Dallas has no true nose tackle yet the Tampa 2 requires at least one of these foaming-at-the-mouth behemoths. Plugging up the middle takes away the inside gap so cover LBs can cover; allowing the defense to flow sideline to sideline. Runs off-tackle are killing the Cowboys because the force-fit NT easily gets walled off creating a running lane underneath pass rushing DEs.

The defense needs to be tweaked to take advantage of what’s on the roster. I know a guy who’d be great at that but he’s in New Orleans because Jerry was jealous of his flowing silvery locks.

4)   Understand Romo ≠ Peyton Manning, And Be OK With It

Look, this will be difficult to change since Romo is making $100mil but it’s perhaps the most important. Romo is a good quarterback, at times very good, but never Peyton Manning. He can’t win the majority of Dallas’ games by himself. There are only 4 QBs in the league who can: Manning, Brady, Brees, and Rodgers. Penty of quality playoff-caliber and Super Bowl winning teams have learned to accept this and adapt. It’s not an indictment on Romo. It’s just what it is. 28 teams in the league have a similar problem, and, if addressed effectively, it’s OK.

Expecting Romo to consistently save drives by converting 3rd and longs isn’t fair, in fact it’s foolish. Romo can’t average 37 passes a game and finish better than 8-8. He just can’t. He’s not in that category. And that’s really OK.

It breaks down like this: Brady 38 att/gm, Manning 41, Brees 41, Rodgers 36*. Teams currently throwing 37 times or more without one of the aforementioned quarterbacks are a combined 32-50.

(*based on 7 complete games before injury)

5)   Stop Trying To Outsmart Everyone

Jason Garrett is an ivy-league graduate. His intelligence and loyalty to the Cowboys organization impressed Jerry, but never challenged the delusion that ‘Jerry knows best’. Jerry respects the education Garrett has attained but that doesn’t translate one bit in football. In fact, many times it causes over-analysis and indecision. Dexter Manley played this game at a Hall Of Fame level and couldn’t read until his 30’s. This game itself isn’t difficult, it’s reactionary. This is a game of emotion and execution more than it’s a game of chess.

The Cowboys have no identity. This is due to over-analysis and indecision. Garrett constantly out-thinks himself. His ivy-league brain tells him, “No no, they’re going to expect that so maybe you should do THIS instead.” and he goes with it. ”THIS” is always 99% wrong. This is also why Dez Bryant is so frustrated. Who calls a WR Screen with the ball on the 2yd line and Dez Bryant lined up wide with one on one coverage? A guy intent on outthinking himself.

See, football doesn’t work like that. Football is a game of imposing your will. Taking what the defense gives you, by design, will have you punting in 4th & 2’s all game. No average to above average defense is designed to give up enough yardage per play to allow a first down on 3 downs.

Jason Garrett has to realize this. And, it’s not difficult.


Okay, I’m drained. I don’t know how Dr. Phil does this. Oh right, Oprah pays him. And I just ruined any chance of that happening by talking about her in a corset.


I’m going to take a nap.


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