The NFL’s Drug Problem: PEGs

The NFL has a drug problem.

This new drug isn’t injected, smeared, swallowed, smoked, or snorted but its affect is the most potent. Urine test? Please, the designer of this drug laughs at you and your Dixie cup. Blood test? Nice try but it’ll be cleaner than a recently showered nun.

Depending on your title, this drug has varying effects ranging from omniscience to hallucinogenic to musculoskeletal degeneracy. Each effect is consistent and predictable yet completely unavoidable.

This drug addicts, infects, and enslaves.

The drug is known as PEGs (Performance Enhancing Goodells). They ony exist to contort the game of football into a just-add-water instant mix of fantasy football and Madden, with an unlimited serving size. Unlike most drugs which create a deadly environment of supply vs demand, there are plenty Goodells to go around. So much so that they’re already pushing overseas expansion.

The truth is that this drug merely accomplishes the personification of hyperbole under the guise of natural progression. You don’t need a microscope to uncover the true deceitful nature of Goodells. You only need a fairly average memory and/or an hour or so of NFL Films. The game you’ll recall will be unrecognizable by today’s standards.

Goodells ensure every quarterback achieves a level of success at least one stratosphere above his actual talent level. Goodells see to it that 15 yard penalties and obsessive fines are part of the job description for every man foolish enough to play on the defensive side of the ball. Goodells task referees with the judgment of intent and severity, instantaneously, and with dire consequence. Most notably, Goodells blind rabid fanbases under the hallucinogen of parity and easily obtained greatness.

Goodells would have you believe that nothing is wrong with the fact that in the last 3 years we have witnessed 7 of the top 10 quarterback passing yardage seasons. This drug warps your mind into believing that names like Fouts, Marino, and John Elway have nothing on names like Romo, Stafford, and Eli Manning. The integrity of history is mocked.

This weekend was a prime example of the mindtrip induced by Goodells. This weekend is being touted as the greatest weekend in NFL History. Over 100 touchdowns on a weekend in which half of the 1pm est games were played in a blizzard. Seems superfuous to keep using the word “history” when that’s the very thing Goodells force you to bury and dismiss. Like any decent drug, reality is distorted, perspective is lost, and the only voices deemed worthy are those of the enablers.

“It’s just natural progression,” say Goodells. “Everything changes, right? Humans, man, evolution. Right? I mean it’s science. And that’s not even considering inflation, I mean, come on. What did you expect? This has been coming, the Golden Age of Football is upon us my friend. Here, take another hit.”

The combination of the explosion of fantasy football and the threat of lawsuits forced Roger Goodell to create a drug to immediately quell all parties involved. A short-term and shortsighted solution to a long-term problem. The Commissioner took the easy way out. He saw a way to easily, though dishonestly, manipulate the system while ensuring the dollars lost in court battles wouldn’t affect the flood of dollars gained in his, and NFL owners’, pockets. Do not forget that the lawsuits brought against the NFL were accusations of collusion, NOT complaints about the violent nature of football.

Instead of accepting accountability and working *to preserve the integrity of the game through the sharing of information, funding of safety innovations, and legitimate current and post-career medical care — Goodell chose to become a dictator. (*an NFL Comissioner’s only job description

The result of all of this is a watered down product in which most games look like two 12yr olds playing Madden. It’s harder to achieve parity while maintaining purity. The onus of such an NFL would fall on the Owners to take responsibility and accountability for the product they sell their fanbase. Goodells absolve of this accountability by achieving parity through mediocrity. It’s much better for the self-esteem, and wallets. Problem, solved?

The past 3 Super Bowl winners have had a record of 10-6. Before the 2007 Giants took a 10-6 record into the playoffs and won the Super Bowl you have to look back to the 1988 49ers as the last team to do so. That 49ers team was juggling between an injured Joe Montana and a very raw Steve Young. Something that took 19yrs to duplicate has now been achieved 3 consecutive years. Read that sentence again.

Too much coincidence is a trend. Too many trends is a pattern. Patterns have root causes.

Goodells are rewriting history at an alarming pace. A lack of perspective breeds apathy. If mediocrity is good enough, what’s the incentive to progress?

How backwards are things? The 49ers and Seahawks are the only 2 teams in the entire NFL that call more run plays than pass plays. That means we’re looking to two sons of the recently remarried and twice divorced PAC-12 for any semblance of what football once was.

The NFL needs an intervention.


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