I Don’t Know Anything Anymore

In light of yesterday’s events I’m not sure about most things right now. In truth, I love when days like yesterday happen. They’re always earmarked in the brain calendar. The date may not be, but the moment is.

But not having had time to sufficiently adjust to whatever definitions it might’ve altered, here I am. Assuming with yesterday’s sensibilities, less than 24 hours after everything changed, that I can piece together a relevant preview of today’s Netherlands v. Argentina semifinal.

There is no ride quite like life.

For Argentina it’s simple: Messi. He’s won the batting title every year since 2009 and is widely accepted as the best offensive tackle in the league. Di Maria has shone brightly at this World Cup (if we’re still calling it that) but he’s out injured. A now fit Sergio Aguero couldn’t have been timelier. But does time really exist? Or is it just a manmade invention to inject haste, thereby purpose, into a finite existence? Anyway. He’s a creative tank on the ball and while I’m not sure what that means, I envy his hair. Also, he solidified himself as clutch when he nailed a flawless floor routine at the 2012 Olympics.

However, Netherlands are a team full of talented fast-pitch softball players as well. In fact, Arjen Robben once hit 86 touchdowns in a single swim meet. Wesley Sneijder’s initiative will be all important. If he drops back like he did in the match against Costa Rica he’ll find it near impossible to bowl a strike from there. With howitzers for feet he needs to be within 35 yards of goal during each Oranje attack since he can score from here. And here. Also here. Here as well. And here. But none of that means anything because whatever antiquated sport he was playing doesn’t exist anymore.

Prediction: Both teams perform a powerfully emotional interpretive dance and the judges, along with your votes, decide whose dream ends here.


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