Open Letter To DeAndre Yedlin





Hey DeAndre (my name’s André wow what a coincidence let’s be friends anyway read this),

Sorry, I’m not used to writing letters — especially to people I don’t know. Except for that prison pen pal program I had in middle school which, in hindsight, WAS THE WORST IDEA ANYONE HAS EVER HAD EVER. It was the 80’s which meant hippies cloaked themselves in polyester business attire and made decisions. Anyway, point is, forgive me if this gets weird(er). Here’s the thing though, I like your hair I think I can offer sage advice.

Your substitute appearance in the World Cup was the best thing that could’ve happened to you and US (see what I did there? I know, keep readin’). I’ll admit that’s conjecture, I don’t know your life, but you were born in 1993 which means you don’t know life without the internet. While that makes me want to throw cars into buildings, it also means I’m likely right. Regardless, it was a huge stage and you were the right player at the right moment.

And that’s life.

Your fearlessness leapt off the screen. Charging at defenders, showing skill on the ball, and creating chance after chance. As a defender, you were our best offensive weapon. Chequebooks (they spell things funny, you’ll love it!) opened and weird European giggle-snorts echoed from Glasgow to Sevilla.

Like Drake needs, erm, anyone with an above average winning percentage, European football leagues need fullbacks who can play as wingers. It’s a supply versus demand thing and if you were cocaine you’d go for $50k per kilo. (don’t ask questions just focus on the point of the metaphor)

They’ll call, and when they do you should answer the phone with the enthusiasm of a right numbered radio caller.

The MLS will try hard to keep you. They’ll speak of “building” and “growth” and “but, but it’s soooo far away from your family.” Be selfish. Be very, very selfish. If your family loves you at all they’ll visit often, stay in fancy hotels, complain about the food, and expect you to pay for everything. But that’s what family’s for so embrace geographical boundaries.

U.S. Soccer needs a change and that change is only going to happen when players like you leave the MLS to challenge yourselves against the best.

Your exit from Brazil was premature because the USMNT sorely needed more players with a combination of skill and world class experience — not just belief.

Go become what we need.




Good day/evening/night


Some Guy On the Internet


One thought on “Open Letter To DeAndre Yedlin

  1. Pingback: Fan Pens Comedic Open Letter To Deandre Yedlin - Sounders Nation - A Seattle Sounders fan site

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