1 2 3, Namaste…4 5 6, Om

QUncYogaUncle Drew’s conspicuously thin yoga instructor older brother is in Cleveland attempting to teach the young bucks a math they don’t yet get. And it’s weird. Also, as shown here by Gordon Hayward, it’s getting weirder: https://vine.co/v/OeOgOV2WgXx

LeBron James has always spoken of “process,” even at a young(er) age. It’s the journey in which a team finds an identity, embraces that identity, and encodes it into their basketball DNA. No matter what and under no circumstances do they deviate from it. It’s a necessary process and nearly all championship teams find it at some point during the season. Problem is that’s not what these Cavs are doing. Instead, James is attempting to passive aggressively prove to them that they really do actually need to do this.

LeBron can’t be pleased. But LeBron also can’t be surprised.

Since James’ unceremonious exit the Cleveland Cavaliers have stockpiled dysfunctional talent. They spent the better part of last year narrowly avoiding locker room Royal Rumbles. Dion Waiters reportedly accused Tristan Thompson and Kyrie Irving of a budding bromance, which only led to Kyrie giving up on them both to try and become the new Derrick Rose. And let’s not forget 1st round draft pick Anthony Bennett who…nevermind let’s forget Anthony Bennett. Throw in a homecoming by LeBron, maybe one to four commercials too many, and the ever present media coyly poking at their average-ness with questions like “What do you think it will be like to play with a real superstar for the first time?”

Adding it all, LeBron probably should’ve spent whatever dollars were necessary to bring Dr. Phil back with him. Call them kumbaya moments, come to Jesus moments, or just shutup and do your job moments — the Cavs need them. All of them. And relatively soon. If LeBron’s college years (time spent in Miami learning how to win) have taught him anything it’s that he, Kevin Love, and Kyrie Irving need to move to phase 2 as swiftly as possible. That phase involves each individually locating their sweet spot between sacrifice and passivity. That’s ultimately what will decide the Cavs’ fate in the Playoffs.

However, the good news is that the NBA season is unnecessarily long. There’s still plenty of time for LeBron to host a clear-the-air slumber party and/or strongly prod management to trade someone. Either way, this will get fixed and the Cavaliers won’t resemble the just-met-each-other-this-morning bunch they look like today. Partly because LeBron is still that damn good (any “journalist” suggesting otherwise should be caned) but also because Nike, McDonald’s, Sprite, and Beats by Dre have told me so.


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